chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
this is an emotional support booty call
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
