The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize