And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
