Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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