I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
