Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
