life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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