My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
