no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
