so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
