did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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