they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
