I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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