I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize