Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
