my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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