I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
