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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what did you do?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i asked her out. that's so hot.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.

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• (905): View more from Toronto

  FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high

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• (425): View more from Washington

  He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard

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• (607): View more from New York

  Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.

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