if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
