lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
