I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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