i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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