I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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