I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
