easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
