I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
