hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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