omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
