IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
