i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
