Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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