check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
