look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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