Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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