exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
