Someone shit on the floor
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
