By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
