I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
