Where is the hickey?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
