God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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