I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
