covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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