so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
