how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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