i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
