I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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