Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The adults are the big ones right?
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