Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
