I puked a lego.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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