You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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