My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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