how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
