Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
