tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
