he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
