I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
