Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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