so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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