Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
