you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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