There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
