I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
