she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize