This is not my ceiling
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
