I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Quick, to the slutcave!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
