You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
