Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
