Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
