dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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