Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
